It would seem that hands off is good. No more whispers no more sense of being the bad girl… seems that it wasn’t me me at all. So I am glad that I didn’t ask for the feedback or anything else from the person I thought was concerned. Another lesson learned. Advanced in years and experience as I am it is clear that there is always something more to be discovered. This time, contrary to my usual style, a little gentle digging around the edges brought a different perspective to light.
In my life I have too often assumed that things were not going as they should because of a failing in myself – such hubris. Why should someone else’s behaviour not be causing the ripples? Am I that important in the greater scheme of things? Thankfully not. And that is a relief!
Been thinking a lot about affirmation. Can one operate well without it? Do we need to look for it all the time? Is that a sign of pathetic neediness? How is one supposed to know that you are going in the right direction? Can one subtly find affirmation in signals from the ambient universe?
I remember my dad in his later dementia being extremely excited because the pension fund of which he had been chief administrator sent him a letter telling him that he had been such a wonderful loyal servant that they were going to increase his pension. A form letter sent to every remaining beneficiary member of the fund. To him it was justification of all his years of hard work sometimes creative, always kind and completely reliable. I didn’t disabuse him and so he died feeling that his employers had at last recognised his contribution.
Nothing wrong with a bit of stroking I reckon and the opposite is unbearably destructive of trust. I must say, recently under pressure of the start of the new semester and all that means for my role, I have made a few mistakes that have caused a colleague annoyance and she has not said anything to me but lots to others and I have had no direct feedback – so far from being stroked publicly I have been severely criticised privately and in the absence of any information am unable to provide either redress or change! Whispers in corridors must be the worst and most toxic source of workplace distress. Too much sleep time not being used appropriately is hard to overcome.
So you out there, remember to provide affirmation for jobs well done and information about jobs not well done.
Yesterday I got an email from the Faculty of Education to say that their approval of my PhD proposal was onits way to the Office of Research and Higher Degrees. So the first small step towards the degree has been taken. Woopee. I know that many more small and bigger stes will need to happen and some of them very soon but I am excited that the journey has begun. 17 years have passed since I got the Masters and this has been a project cherished since then, transformed, tansmuted, transmogrified, translated… from a study of stories South African and Australian Indigenous to a study of how writers translate their thoughts into words and how they can be assessed on those thoughts and words.
We shall see what Vygotsky, Pinker and all the new thinkers and theorists have to say and what my data reveals as well. I will probably put links to some of the stuff into this blog – yes wha about posting the proposal… I will work on it and see how to do it. Want to link this blog to mu university ePortfolio – but is very hard to use software by Mahara. Anyway we are all embracing our digital present and future at USQ and so anything is possible in cloud (cuckoo)land. I didn’t say that!